Pouring it on

I love Fridays. It means I made it thru the week without telling upper management that they are mean people and I quit! Of course, I dream of telling them with a Brooklyn edge to my words. Ahhhh, the amazing thing about growing older and wiser is that I can manage the unfairness in this world with a shrug, and just move on. It is what it is, but it amazes me--my reaction, that is.

I was once a street smart girl. A tough chick. I once got out of my car when a car full of disco gals (like mine) tried to take my parking spot, walked up to their car, placed my crotch up against the edge of it, and said, "Go ahead, just try to park here." Oh yeah, I was tough---I wasnt even 21. And I looked like the girl next door.

Not many understood me back then. How could they....I mostly hid that behavior. Expressed it in wild situations like that. My friends were always shocked when I did things like that. I'm lucky to be alive from some of the antics I pulled. My folks had no idea. I was a great student. I loved to read. I looked sweet and innocent. Had a very calm affect about me. Helped me get away with lots. I was like two different people.

Anger brewing in this adorable young lady which would take years to work through. And not without some damage of course. but I made it. Why, I wondered. Why didn't I become trash..I really had no guidance. But I kept plugging along....going blindly ahead in life. Demanding an education. Craving it. Keeping my sweet look thru it all. Why???? two little words...unconditional love. By Mom & Dad. They had no clue of my behavior outside of home. But they loved me like crazy. Dad sparkled when I was near. Mom loved to listen. It saved me. And taught me a tremendous lesson.

And I have learned how to do it back. See, last night I went with my youngest...my baby...for college orientation. She is a bright girl...wants to be a pediatrician....but she messed up in HS. She was tough...street smart tough--but she, unlike me, let it all out. To anybody that got in her way. Had (has) a very big mouth--an attitude that nobody could beat her down. It got her kicked out of school, had to finish up at a computer-seated-loss-of-identity-storefront-makeshift-HS. But she finished. Walked down the aisle with the rest of them and got her diploma (with me praying the whole time that she wouldnt give them the finger as she crossed the stage)

So now she is going to a community college near home. All of her friends are leaving soon. Off to Colorado, Iowa, Univ of Illinois, Florida, Kansas, Michigan, Wisconsin. This beautiful, bright girl is staying behind for damage she has done--from damage done to her. A very hard lesson for sure. So I listened last night. On the car ride there and back. Through her tears and illogical expressions, I listened. And I told her I was proud of her. And that I loved her. And that she can do this. It didn't wrench my heart out. It's part of her journey to a healthier life. And I'll always be there. To listen. I've learned it's an incredibly rare talent. To just listen. But a few did it for me. And now I'm giving it back. And so it goes............

"Women are made to be loved, not understood." Oscar Wilde