Friday, July 21, 2006

Lingering Thoughts

All I want to do is run. If I let it, I could have it take over my life. But I stay balanced....not that that's so hard for me. I have a lot of responsibilities to handle...tho after this year they will lessen. I am ready for that. 22 years of parenting, 11 as a single mother, is plenty. I know my job is forever, but the day-to-day heavy stress should be over by then. At that point, it's all about me.

I put off so many dreams due to being a single mother. That was hard. Though I love my kids and couldnt imagine my life without them, waiting for them to grow up was challenging. My generation is a selfish one. I look at my Mom and realize all she gave up to keep her family together and my Grandmother, coming over to America at 16 yrs of age, leaving behind her parents and all she knew, and I know my challenges are small in comparison. For the most part, we Americans have it made. I try to keep that in the front of my mind.

So I am finally running. Not as much as I'd like, but I'm running. I was always an athlete but never really given the opportunity to seek it out as a teenager or young adult. I did the "acceptable" things as a young mother--Jane Fondas Aerobic tape, Jazzercise classes, gym workouts. I finally got really into running about 14 yrs ago. A casual runner, but I was running. I bought a treadmill against the wishes of my then-husband, and I used it several times a week for 3-miles a shot. It took me years until I figured out how to deal with my asthma and the weather, but when I did it was very special to me. I could run outside!! I could do races!! That was only 3 yrs ago. Small steps.

Now like a kid who's been kept away from candy all her life, I gaze into the candy shop and my mouth waters. Races, marathons, ultras, travel. I want it all but life still demands negotiating. Let me loose onto the trails with a backpack on and let me feel what I have been craving. Until then.....I dream.......

13 comments:

Todd said...

I know the feeling but I still can not imgaine half of what you went through to get here now. You are an amasing woman. As for the hubsand thing well my ex gf was the same way. The thing I learnt with her and hopely you did with your husband is always be true to yourself. I do not mean you need to be selfish but try to find a way for you to do what you want. You just need to keep everyone else in mind when you do. That is why I do so many marathons because I know there is a day I will be lucky if I can do even 1 a year.

robtherunner said...

Glad to hear you are running again. Take it slow and you'll be back to 100% in no time. Have a great weekend.

Reen said...

Run Lora Run!

Jessica Deline said...

Well dreaming is good! Glad you are running again :)

neese said...

running is definetly the sweet treat in the balance of life. :)

angie's pink fuzzy said...

dream it!

my running partner, Paki, was a single mother. her daughter's in college now, and the transition has been a tough one for her. her only constant has been the running.

Firefly's Running said...

Way to go, Lora! You go girl!

E-Speed said...

great post Lora! I think we all yearn to be on those trails more often than we can get em! Runon girl!

Bex said...

I hear ya, sister! Running is an elixir, a privilege, and also a responsibility I gladly shoulder.

*jeanne* said...

What a wonderful post. It brought tears to my eyes.

You can dream for now...and soon you will be doing your dreams. :-)

Papa Louie said...

Last time my wife and I thought about being free from our kids when we turn 40 we got a surprise gift. Our forth child was born after a 14 from our last child. Life is full of opportunities.

Jack said...

I remember having similar inspirations, a 10K, a HM, a marathon, an ultra. I've done all of these and am still heading forward to the next challenge. Don't ever give up, just check um' off as you go!

partyrunner said...

you'll do your thing for sure. sometimes i feel the opposite - so much time so little responsibility - and that can feel empty too.
life follows its strange, interesing path. enjoy your family now and the cool thing is, runnig will always be there. ;-)