Friday, August 11, 2006

Pouring it on

I love Fridays. It means I made it thru the week without telling upper management that they are mean people and I quit! Of course, I dream of telling them with a Brooklyn edge to my words. Ahhhh, the amazing thing about growing older and wiser is that I can manage the unfairness in this world with a shrug, and just move on. It is what it is, but it amazes me--my reaction, that is.

I was once a street smart girl. A tough chick. I once got out of my car when a car full of disco gals (like mine) tried to take my parking spot, walked up to their car, placed my crotch up against the edge of it, and said, "Go ahead, just try to park here." Oh yeah, I was tough---I wasnt even 21. And I looked like the girl next door.

Not many understood me back then. How could they....I mostly hid that behavior. Expressed it in wild situations like that. My friends were always shocked when I did things like that. I'm lucky to be alive from some of the antics I pulled. My folks had no idea. I was a great student. I loved to read. I looked sweet and innocent. Had a very calm affect about me. Helped me get away with lots. I was like two different people.

Anger brewing in this adorable young lady which would take years to work through. And not without some damage of course. but I made it. Why, I wondered. Why didn't I become trash..I really had no guidance. But I kept plugging along....going blindly ahead in life. Demanding an education. Craving it. Keeping my sweet look thru it all. Why???? two little words...unconditional love. By Mom & Dad. They had no clue of my behavior outside of home. But they loved me like crazy. Dad sparkled when I was near. Mom loved to listen. It saved me. And taught me a tremendous lesson.

And I have learned how to do it back. See, last night I went with my youngest...my baby...for college orientation. She is a bright girl...wants to be a pediatrician....but she messed up in HS. She was tough...street smart tough--but she, unlike me, let it all out. To anybody that got in her way. Had (has) a very big mouth--an attitude that nobody could beat her down. It got her kicked out of school, had to finish up at a computer-seated-loss-of-identity-storefront-makeshift-HS. But she finished. Walked down the aisle with the rest of them and got her diploma (with me praying the whole time that she wouldnt give them the finger as she crossed the stage)

So now she is going to a community college near home. All of her friends are leaving soon. Off to Colorado, Iowa, Univ of Illinois, Florida, Kansas, Michigan, Wisconsin. This beautiful, bright girl is staying behind for damage she has done--from damage done to her. A very hard lesson for sure. So I listened last night. On the car ride there and back. Through her tears and illogical expressions, I listened. And I told her I was proud of her. And that I loved her. And that she can do this. It didn't wrench my heart out. It's part of her journey to a healthier life. And I'll always be there. To listen. I've learned it's an incredibly rare talent. To just listen. But a few did it for me. And now I'm giving it back. And so it goes............

"Women are made to be loved, not understood." Oscar Wilde

13 comments:

Haight said...

You deserve a Dilly Bar...

*smooches*

Reen said...

You are a great listener and sharer (if that's a word) of yourself!

Thank you!

Black Knight said...

What a post!
About Oscar Wilde, do you like this one?
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same".
Please forgive me!!!!

Todd said...

You are amasing woman and I know your daughter will be just as amasing as you are. Also tell her I say hi.

E-Speed said...

love the quote. It is oh so true. I think we are definitely kindred spirits. I did the same good on the outside bad on the inside thing in HS. And I think I survived for the same reason you did, loving family. You can't beat it!

Firefly's Running said...

I did not have a mouth that was used at school, but I used it a lot in my senior year at home. It costed a trip to Colorado where I lived with my aunt and finished H.S. It was hard to be away from home, but was the best decision I had done. I am stronger now and learned from my mistakes. I am sure your daughter has learned too. Hopefully after two years, she moved onto a college where her friends are at.

robtherunner said...

Wonderful post Lora! I got kicked out of high school for awhile and had to take night and correspondence courses to make up credits in order to graduate on time. Living on the other side of life has prepared me in a way that I do not think living the straight and narrow could have. Your daughter will be a stronger person in the long run and she is lucky to have a wonderful mother to support her.

Mike said...

Great post Lora...and ditto Rob's thoughts- your daughter will be stronger and will appreciate it all the more since she had to work harder for it.
Having such a great mom doesn't hurt either! ;-)

neese said...

i am moved to tears, you are a good mama.

xo

Deb said...

Wow, great post. I have 2 teenage sons and often it's a tough gig, but I love them fiercely. Inspirational! Congrads on the beautiful thing you have!

Jack said...

Great post Lora and your one tough (and fantastic) mom!

p.s. The Oscar Wilde quote has left me feeling relieved, whew ;-)

Taryn said...

Okay, you just made me go a bit teary and made me start missing my mom.... thanks for sharing!

Rose said...

Just popped in from Haight's Hangout. And it's just a little spooky, too, because both your story and your daughter's has a lot of parallels to mine and my daughter's lives. I'm at that stage where it's just time to listen, too. Thanks for sharing.